We’re right at the end of the (summer) holiday season now, so here are some holiday jokes from my English-teaching joke collection. Just to remind us of those happy times earlier in the year…

rain-275314_1280Sign in a British seaside hotel:
‘Welcome to sunny Brightsea. Please do not take wet umbrellas, raincoats and rubber boots into the hotel bedrooms.’

A rich American was sitting in a hotel bar in London.
‘In Texas,’ he said proudly, ‘I can get on a train on Monday, travel on that train all day Monday and all day Tuesday, and when I get off the train on Wednesday, I’m still in Texas.’
‘Yes,’ said the barman sympathetically. ‘The trains are slow here too.’

Hotel manager to new guest: ‘You can’t bring that dog into the hotel – it’s full of fleas!’
‘Fido!’ cried the guest in alarm. ‘Don’t come in here – it’s full of fleas!’

Tourist: ‘Can I have a glass of water, please?’
Hotel barman: ‘That’s your seventeenth glass tonight!!!’
Tourist: ‘I know, my room’s on fire…’

pointed-crocodile-62953_1280Tilly is staying in a hotel in sunny California. She wants to go for a swim one day, and unsure if there are any crocodiles in the sea, she asks the receptionist.
‘Oh no, Madam,’ said the receptionist. ‘You don’t have to worry about crocodiles. The sharks always chase them away.’

An Irishman phoned British Airways and asked: ‘How long is the flight from Belfast to Toronto?’
‘One moment, sir…’ said the British Airways clerk.
‘Thank you very much,’ said the Irishman, and hung up…

Phil: ‘I wanted to ride the surf when I was in Australia.’
Don: ‘So why didn’t you?’
Phil: ‘The horse didn’t want to go in the sea…’

Tourist in Arabia: ‘Look! There’s the man who owns all the cows in Arabia!’
Second tourist: ‘Yes. He’s a milk-sheikh…’


Watch out for the next post, about my family wedding and book event ‘holiday’ in sunny Scotland. (It was sunny, too – some of the time!)


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