We had a technology revolt in the flat last week. One device after another either went on strike, or disintegrated into a pile of metal, plastic and frustration (mine).
The landline phone went first. It’s been sulking for a while, but last week it began to remind me of the worst kind of teenage stroppiness. Our ‘conversation’ went something like this:
Landline: You’re always moaning at me.
Me: No, I’m not, just be a good phone, huh?
Landline: You can just *#//!
Me: Language, please!
Landline: I’ll make you suffer! *slams door on way out*
We lave two landline phones, at diagonally opposite corners of this (generously-proportioned) flat. Nowadays, one has a functioning screen, but cuts out ten seconds after you lift it. The other’s screen is blank – but you can phone with it. So if the phone rings and I want to see who’s on the other end before I answer, there’s a bit of running around to do. Pity my poor downstairs neighbours…
My laptop was next. It’s never been quite the same creature since I mouse-clicked once too often last December and unleashed a load of malware. Son 2 did a sterling job, but it’s as dead slow as several tortoises now, and last week it began to stop:
Laptop: You can’t expect me to open pdfs in my condition.
Me: But I’ve updated and refreshed everything. Come on, you could do it before.
Me: I need them for work. Please. Tell you what, I’ll uninstall and reinstall your Adobe.
Me: *head on desk*
The printer was the last straw. It’s the machine I understand least of all; I have no idea what’s going on with it. So when something goes wrong, all I can do is stand and stare. And it really isn’t a luxury device…
Printer: Okay, I will scan and I will print, but I am NOT GOING TO PHOTOCOPY. Got it?
Me: But my upper-intermediate grammar worksheets! I have a class in half an hour.
Printer: Tough. You can scan them, email them to yourself and then print them.
Me: I don’t have TIME to…
My mobile phone is no consolation in all this. Plugged in, it works perfectly, but its battery flattens within an hour of being removed from an electricity supply. So there’s not much mobility involved. I have a feeling 2017 is going to be an expensive year.
The one ray of sunshine is the little netbook I use for travelling. Dear netbook – please don’t change…