… of being published.
Your life is never the same again. Whether you’re an indie writer publishing your own work, or have a traditionally published book, when you pass the point of no return – in my case, signing on the dotted line – you are a different person. And as soon as your book is out there, you come into contact with… (insert scary music) …the M word. Yes, marketing…
And the list goes on…
26. (This is actually the best bit of all.) The doorbell rings one day a week or two before your book is due out, and the postman hands over a large-sized box from your publisher.
27. You put it on the table and think:
My books have come home. You make coffee, open the box, and sit down with all your babies books cuddled on your lap.
28. Then you cry.
29. Your kids come home and you give them a book each.
30. They are both nonplussed: mum has done something half-way cool.
31. You are delighted when your publisher announces they have organised a launch party in a bookstore in your old hometown.
32. And horrified when you learn that you are responsible for finding the party guests. You have lived abroad for over twenty years; the only people you still know in your ex-town are your Dad and one old school friend.
33. Fortunately everyone rallies round. You have a lovely launch party, and start looking forward to the library and bookshop events your publisher has organised for you.
34. You walk into your first UK library for over twenty years and notice immediately: Libraries have changed.
35. Librarians are no longer the stern people you remember from your student days – nowadays they not only know all about books; they run groups, organise events, help you with your laptop during your presentation, and dispense tea to your audience. Some even provide cake. You love them all.
36. Bookshops have undergone a similar transformation. They have cafés and sell… everything, really. A sign of the times, perhaps.
37. But the staff are all amazing (even though they did once tweet your photo on a very windy day before you had time to brush your hair).
38. After your launch activities you return home to Switzerland determined to do your best to market your book from afar.
39. And know that the day you’ve been dreading for weeks has arrived – you’re going to have to get on Twitter.
40. As soon as you do so you realise a) you should have done this weeks ago and
b) Twitter is pure dead gallus, as we say in Glasgow.
41. As a published author, your behaviour has changed fundamentally. You now switch on your pc before you make coffee in the morning.
42. This is because for newly published writers, one thing in particular has the potential to have you delirious with delight or plummet you into the depths of despair…
43. …The Amazon Rankings.
44. Your book kangaroos up and down so much you begin to feel seasick and
after ten and a half months you decide to stop checking.
45. This gives you a two week break before your second book comes out and you start all over again at number 26.
46. Your first royalty statement arrives and your accountant (who you’ve had for 10 years because your income is complicated and you can’t count for toffee) is seriously taken aback to see what published writers earn.
47. And you realise that giving up the day job is not going to be an option. But that’s okay because you like your job.
48. You do sometimes think: Why am I doing this? Why do I spend hours at my desk every day, writing and tweeting and posting on FB and blogging and chatting to other writers and not getting enough exercise and drinking too much coffee?
49. But the answer is: Because you love it…
50. …and you can’t wait to do it all again 🙂
linda huber 
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